Communicating Your Feelings Effectively

Communicating your feelings effectively helps to keep a relationship honest and open. As well, it gives your partner the opportunity to acknowledge and respond to the feelings. Consequently, he confirms you as a unique being entitled to feel  her own feelings. This skill makes relationships fruitful and productive. In addition, it also improves your effectiveness in the workplace. To communicate your feelings effectively, you need to pay attention to the following steps.

1. Pinpoint The Primary Feeling 

Identifying what you feel is the first step in communicating your feelings effectively. To communicate what is most important to you, sort through your intermingled feelings and identify the primary feeling.

2. Quieten Your Strong Emotions 

Calming down your angry or other negative emotions considerably is advised for a more fruitful expression and discussion of your feelings.

3. Chose The Right Time When Both Of You Are In A Poised Emotional State

The right time to discuss feelings is when you and the other person are in a conducive psychological state, when both of you are not preoccupied, stressed, rushed or tired.

Communicating Your Feelings Effectively

4. Avoid Expressing Your Feelings In A Public Place 

Selecting a setting that is appropriate for discussing feelings means not telling a friend that you felt angry or disappointed with her in a public setting. Doing so would invite in defensiveness from her that would hinder constructive and an open discussion of feelings.

5. Own Your Feelings 

Owning our feelings paves way for effective communication. Using I-language to own our feelings, reminds us that we, not others, are responsible for our feelings. When we go for You-language (“You hurt me”), we deny our accountability for our emotions and mislead ourselves. For good, staying sincere is a crucial factor in expressing your feelings effectively.

6. Dispute Irrational Thoughts Preventing You From Expressing Your True Feelings 

Self-talk is the communication we have with ourselves. Cultivating self-defeating ideas could get in the way of our effectiveness and happiness. It is wise to choose how we think and feel. Rational thinking is often adopted to challenge and dispute the irrational thoughts and the belief system underlying the debilitating emotions that undermine healthy self-concepts and relationships. One may Internally affirm “I don’t think I deserve a raise.” To counter this fallacy of inadequacy, one might focus on the thought, “I work hard in a committed manner; I’ve been improving steadily and adding value to the organization, so I deserve an improvement in my salary.” The logical thoughts  enables you to express your feelings of worthiness to your superior.

7. Do Not Devalue Others’ Feelings 

It is constructive to respond sensitively when others express their feelings to you. Avoid general statements that tend to devalue other’s feelings and deny them the right to feel their feelings, like “Time heals all wounds.” First, offer the other support and freedom to express and feel her feelings, not an eagerness to solve her problems. Interjecting a minimum encourager like “I understand”  is helpful. It is also confirming to paraphrase and reflect back the other’s feelings and meanings. For example, “It sounds as if you were quite anxious in the midst of that situation; am I close? When you are sensitive to others, you create a conducive interpersonal climate that helps you to communicate your feelings effectively.

Communicating your feelings effectively is an important skill that enhances cooperation and productivity in relationships.

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