How To Approach Your Partner About An Issue

How To Approach Your Partner About An IssueHow To Approach Your Partner About An Issue 2

For your partner to solve a problem, she must be aware of its existence, and that it is important to her and you. This awareness is more of a continuum, than an off-on process. Of a truth, your partner may have varying degrees of awareness of her problem. For instance, he may tend towards being argumentative and combative, and honestly believe he is the most easygoing person in the world. Taken together, he has to become aware of the issues, before he can take responsibility for them, and solve them. Expounding further, a lack of awareness of an issue, often means suffering for both parties, suffering that may eventually ruin the relationship. In view of this, how to approach your partner about an issue, warrants urgent attention.

How To Approach Your Partner About An Issue In A Way That Blends Love, Directness, Clarity, And Truth, Shows Up

1. Assume That Your Partner Is Innocent Of Bad Motives Or Intents

Love requires that you start with this approach. As well, starting this way, keeps you away from quick judgements that may alienate your partner. If your partner feels alienated from you, it becomes more difficult for her to give you what you want. Into reckoning with, telling your partner what you need is your way of taking responsibility for it. Taking this step should not make you feel unloved. Along with, presuming that your partner is innocent may start you forward to present an issue with these words. “I wanted to let you know what I noticed in our relationship, capable of transforming to a problem. Sometimes, when we talk, you are not really listening to me. Although you say the right things, your eyes keep roving about, not making contact with my eyes. I don’t know if you are aware of this. What do you think?”

2. Apply Humility

Come to your partner, as someone who has also failed, and needs grace and support, not as someone who has it all together. For good, humility keeps you from a superior or patronising tone. On the same level, humility is perceiving yourself as you really are, weaknesses and strengths. In accordance with, a humble approach to drawing your partner’s attention to an issue features. “I want to bring your attention to your tendency to control the situation in our relationship and others. I’m not trying to put you down or say that I’m better. I have vulnerabilities that I’m working on also. So, I’m in the same position you are. I’m speaking about the control problem, as a friend, not a judge.” As well, humility helps to bring together the ideas at the heart of how to approach your partner about an issue.

3. Identify With The Feelings Of Your Partner

Give your partner empathy and warmth, along with the truth. Illustrating with, avoid statements like “you are really showing that you are clueless” or “I’m shocked that you don’t know that you are doing this.” To continue with, become aware of your own need for empathy and kindness. This helps you to extend the same gesture to your partner. “I want to draw your awareness to your financial irresponsibility, because if I were in your position, I would want someone to tell me. I would welcome that as caring enough about me. I feel the same way about you. I know that hearing about this is not easy for you, but remember that I’m on your side.”

4. Shepherd Your Partner Into The World Of Awareness

You may end up with a partner who possesses little self-awareness, the ability to look at herself and perceive what she is doing or why she is doing it. In this scenario, it is productive to be patient with him. “I want to draw your attention to the fact that what you do affects me for good and for bad. I feel loved and close when you are kind to me; hurt, when you snap at me. I shut down when I feel hurt.” The clarity and specificity radiating from your words open your partner to the association between his behaviour and his relationship with you. Still more, patience primes you to follow in the wake of ideas behind how to approach your partner about an issue.

5. Avoid Joining With Any Self-critical Voice In Your Partner

A situation to note with, if your partner is quite self-critical, keep off statements like “I think you are really weak in this area.” This will help him keep down a self-critical tendency. For better, to get awareness and even gratitude from your partner, go for words that sound like this. “I want to bring your awareness to a problem. First, I believe that this is not all of you. You have many more good parts. This problem part is not as bad as it could be.” With this approach, you ground your partner in love, and help her to correct herself without self-hatred.

6. Be Loving And Direct

Being loving and direct features as a best approach to make your partner aware of a problem. Settled, hinting around or being indirect about what you know is true, is no favour to your partner. Oftentimes, we are indirect owing to a desire not to hurt our partner, but sparing feelings now may lead to injuries later. Established with, the truth often makes us uncomfortable as it points out a problem. Following from, extend directness that gives life, to your partner. Present your partner with the reality you want him to be aware of, in a clear, undistorted way. “Your lashing out at me without thinking gets in the way of our relationship.” Straightforward, being loving and direct puts in your view notions at the core of how to approach your partner about an issue.

7. Use Specific Examples To Help Your Partner Become Aware Of A Problem

For a significant problem, you will likely find many examples illustrating the problem and its effects on your partner’s life and the relationship. Good to, being specific helps you clarify the point you are trying to make. Again, it can help you break through defenses. Continuing with, specifics feature as objective, verifiable information. They can also be personal and emotional in nature. “Last weekend, you got so angry that you hit the wall.” To good effect, avoid global, vague examples like “I’m pressed to think that you never show any interest in me.”

8. Make Your Partner Aware Of The Effects Of The Problem

Part of helping your partner is to make her aware of the effects of her behaviour. This approach transforms a confrontation from abstraction to reality that is personal. As a result, your partner discovers that he is hurting himself and others, through a problematic behaviour. Detail to, this truth can touch him at the heart level. In train with, the care and connection she shares with you gets stimulated. Following this, she begins to understand that the issue is important. “When you become critical of me, you hurt my feelings.” Avoid overstating the effects of his actions, to keep from making him feel guilty or defensive. The drive to make your partner privy to the effects of a problem, stimulates you right. To good, it gets you acquainted with the concepts behind how to approach your partner about an issue.

9. Request For A Change Of Behaviour

When you request for a change in behaviour from your partner, you help him to realise that his behaviour or attitude is a problem. Proceeding with, a request for change is specific and preserves freedom. In plainer terms, it respects your partner’s choice and does not feature as a demand. For all time, it needs to arise from your care for your partner. “When I’m talking, I would like you to allow me finish my thoughts and sentences before responding.”

How to approach your partner about an issue and get her awareness, features a mix of ideas that convince your partner that you care about her and the relationship in spite of the issue. The ideas integrate compassion, directness, clarity, and truth, in a constructive balance.

12 Comments

  • Thank you for the remind of how to communicate problems with others. Sometimes we need a remind more than we know.

  • Open lines of communication and trust are so important when you’re working through something with your partner. I honestly feel like I could speak to my husband about anything without judgement and it makes all the difference to our relationship x

  • With my ex, discussing my problems were a big deal. Because according to him only he on earth had problems others do not have problems. But I agree with these solutions of yours. But they do not apply on a sociopath…

    • Most of our weaknesses or vulnerabilities arise from fear. Being overly preoccupied with oneself at the expense of others points to fears lurking within. You may be surprised to discover that your ex may be dealing with fears of inadequacy abandonment.

  • It is difficult for me to communicate an issue with my husband because I fear that I will only cause hurt instead of finding a solution that would work for both of us. To be honest, I would really want to encourage my husband to try to help himself get better. He has chronic back pain and I encourage him to try to do some exercises or try to move about but I am always met with the response, “You don’t understand how I feel.” What I want him to know is that I am not going to be alive forever. Right now, it is fine that I can attend to his needs, even if I have a chronic illness of my own. But what if I become really ill? Will he be able to take care of himself? That is what I really want to discuss with him, but I just don’t know how to make him understand.

    • It’s thoughtful of you to be mindful of a problem, the fact that your husband is not exercising enough. Defensiveness is often common with adults when a problem is brought up. Sometimes, being there and just listening and understanding the person’s feelings, without judgement or evaluation,helps him to contain difficult feelings and situations,without being overwhelmed. Your patience and understanding will pay off eventually, and he will give you the cooperation that strengthens connection. Wish you all the best.

  • Communication is the key as cliche as it sounds. you just have to be open, honest and be prepared to accept criticism too x

  • Resolving an issue requires great skils. I appreciate your informative post which gives us great tips on how to approach our partner with an issue.

  • I agree that when discussing serious issues that it is best that we apply humility. Don’t make your feel inferior.

    It is also important that you make face the problem together rather than fight each other.

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