Arguments help each other realise what the other really cares about. Also, it enables there to be an outlet for feelings of antagonism that might otherwise fester. Plus, it helps us to determine how our competing interests can be balanced, as relationships are about give and take. In these, how to argue and reconcile in a relationship stands crucial.
Here Features How To Argue And Reconcile In A Relationship
1. Choose Your Time And Place Of Arguing
Oftentimes, it is helpful to know the peculiarities of your partner. If a wife knows that when the husband is hungry is not a good time to raise a sensitive issue, it is constructive for her to plan around that timing. Choose a time when you are both relaxed and have the time to discuss an important issue.
2. Don’t Lose Your Temper
What truly matters is how you say it, not what you say. Put a space between you and your partner and calm down if you feel you are getting angry.
3. Never Be Violent
Avoid hitting, throwing things or physically threatening your partner. Not being violent primes you up to ideas of how to argue and reconcile in a relationship.
4. Listen, Listen, Listen
Listening carefully to your partner makes him or her feel respected. Avoid interrupting. Don’t finish their sentences. Acknowledge and accept a fair point made by your partner. Demonstrate that you heard what they said and accept it. An eagerness to list the faults of the other, can keep you from listening to what the other is saying.
5. Make Statements About What You Feel
“I sometimes feel you care more about your job than me” is less confrontational than “you care more about your job than me.” Putting the arguments in terms of what you feel means that you are not judging the other person and are just describing your emotions. With this, you hit the good of how to argue and reconcile in a relationship. Again, it paves way for reconciliation. “I’m sorry you feel like that. I do care far more about you than my job. I know I’ve been working late recently, but I will make it up to you.”
6. Focus On The Future, Not The Past
Focusing on the past often does not benefit the relationship. How should we deal in the future with the issue causing friction? Criticising shows unhelpful. Instead, request. “In the future, please load the dish washer after lunch.” This is more effective than “you never help with the dishes.” Focusing on the past leads to apology and shame. Also, it can trigger personal insults, frustration, and anger. In contrast, focusing on the future, brings a solution to the issue without harming the relationship.
7. See The Issue From Your Partner’s Side
Respect the benefits and value your partner brings to the relationship. “I appreciate the efforts you put into looking after the baby all day. There’s nothing more exhausting than that, and..” More, make it clear that you love and respect her. Reaping the benefits of how to argue and reconcile in a relationship requires this appreciation.
8. Suggest Taking Time To Think Things Over If Your Discussion Is Leading To An Impasse
Taking time to think about it, in the event of an impasse, can expose you to more beneficial options or perspectives. Reassure your partner that you are not trying to avoid the issue. Promise to return to the discussion at a set time. “Let’s talk again tomorrow morning after I’ve slept over it.” This helps you not to lose sight of the importance of how to argue and reconcile in a relationship.
9. Set A Time Limit
If you are having a discussion, it may be beneficial to set a time limit. Agree to return to the issue later if you have not resolved it by then. Do something fun after that.
10. Be Alert To The Real Issues
Frequently, trivial issues lead to a major argument. However, the trivial issue can reflect a significant point. For example, the dispute over the toothpaste may point to a broader issue that one person believes the other doesn’t respect her. Else, it can reflect an issue that one party feels the other is trying to control her. These major issues need to be resolved, and may require longer more serious conversations.
11. Don’t Get Misled Into Thinking About “Your Rights”
In grand political debates, your rights may be important. However, with relationships, it is about what makes you work as a couple. Respect what your partner considers important, even if you label it trivial.
12. Be Forgiving
Don’t expect perfection from yourself or your partner. Being with someone all the time often starts you seeing them at their weakest and most vulnerable. You will see them exhausted and frustrated. When we can let our guard down and not put up pretenses, feature as valuable times. Since partners see each other when they do that, don’t expect perfection from yourself or your partner. Be forgiving and understanding.
13. Apologise Promptly
As you can’t expect your partner or yourself to be perfect, be ready to apologise. “I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have said that” can transform a situation that could have led to a major argument into a pleasant evening. Not apologising can leave your partner feeling that you haven’t understood her feelings and don’t care. More, to apologise for hurting someone’s feelings or saying something cruel does not mean you are losing the argument. Once the tension abates, the issue that caused you to misspeak can be returned to.
14. Ensure That A Positive Outcome Comes From The Argument
Making good from the argument keeps both of you from having the same argument repeatedly. To have a positive outcome from an argument means both parties agreeing to change their behaviour for good. Do your best to keep to an agreement made.
Arguing well hallmarks healthy relationships. Treat your partner with respect, and listen attentively. Avoid trivialising any matter raised by your partner, as it might mean a lot to her. Draw positive outcomes from your arguments, and keep to your agreements.