HOW TO GET AWAY FROM ANGER IS BY DRAWING AWAY FROM JUDGEMENTS AND LIMITED THINKING, AND LEANING TOWARDS PREFERENCES AND EXPANDED THINKING THAT REFRAMES A CHALLENGING OR PRESSING SITUATION IN CONSTRUCTIVE TERMS.
Our cognitions – thoughts and beliefs about a situation often dictate how we feel and behave. Learning to think in a more balanced way keeps us from upsetting ourselves every time a challenging or pressing situation shows up. Thus, how to get away from anger revolves around nurturing constructive non-judgmental thoughts and beliefs.
Our thoughts are usually transient and conscious, while our beliefs are stable unconscious assumptions about ourselves, other people and the world. As an illustration, take a situation, where one narrowly escapes an accident. If he curses the opposing motorist inside his mind with the following angry words: “stupid fool!” The words are the thoughts, but the belief that sponsored the thoughts or words are rooted on the premise that people should always do the right thing and obey traffic laws unfailingly without any excuse. His rigid unyielding belief was the true source of his anger, not the other motorist’s poor driving. How to get away from anger is by drawing away from judgements and limited thinking, and leaning towards preferences and expanded thinking that reframes a challenging or pressing situation in constructive terms. Viewing such situations as something working for the greater good of all involved is a way to do this. If the man was not quick to judge and held a preference that people should obey road laws instead of insisting that they must always comply, his response would have been mild.
Our behaviours often reinforce our existing cognitions or perceptions. For instance, the belief that people don’t like us could be reinforced by avoiding social contact with others. Also, unassertive behaviour heightens the belief that it is improper to ask for what we want. Similarly, avoiding situations that we link to fear ratchets up the belief that the situations are highly threatening. By these scenarios, we invite in feelings of loneliness, frustration and resentment, and anxiety.
Thinking differently about our situation and feeling better for it are things that often come with changing our behaviour. Initiating social contact helps us to develop a new cognition or perception: “with effort and diligence, I can make friends.” This new cognition challenges the old disempowering one and engenders better feelings. Communicating assertively to resolve a conflict gets us up the stairs of the belief that we are capable of solving certain problems.
Engaging in activities that guide a sense of achievement or purpose over to us uplifts our mood.
