By validating the feelings of others, you empower them to be their own problem solvers. This attitude promotes the quality of your relationships. Buttressing with, it stimulates a climate of trust that boosts self-esteem, confidence in their capacity to take responsibility for their life, creative contributions to a shared problem or objective, teaching and learning. In line with, the subject of how to validate a person draws in a lot of good.
Pursuant to, validation is the process of confirming the meaningfulness and relevance of what another person or self is feeling. Up with this attitude, we begin to satisfy the universal need within each of us, the need to feel worthy, to matter, and to feel cared for. In this reckoning, validation is empathetically listening and understanding another’s point of view without having to change it.
How To Validate A Person Unfolds Below
1. Strengthen Your Belief In Yourself And Your Values
This means not receiving direction from outside yourself concerning your values, beliefs, and principles that guide your life. In plain, you are comfortable with yourself. As a result, you do not feel threatened if someone believes differently than you do. You do not need to change your beliefs or behaviours to suit theirs. Because you are comfortable with yourself and your value system, you can listen, learn, and accept others’ viewpoints without judgement. Accepting another’s feelings does not necessarily mean that you agree with it. More with, this understanding gives others the freedom to express their feelings and needs, and effectively process their internal struggles. Adjunct to, a strong value system helps to lay the foundation for the notion of how to validate a person. Validation is much easier if we are in touch with our feelings.
2. Remember That You Do Not Have The Power To Make Anything All Better For Anyone
Granted, burdens lighten up when help comes. However, this does not make the problem all better. Each person must face the problem squarely and deal with the event and it’s losses. Only the person involved can heal herself. Taking this further, if someone losses a loved one through death, can you bring the loved one back and make it all better? With this discernment that you are not responsible for solving others’ problems, you listen without guilt and pressure. What is more, you understand better what is going on with the other person.
3. Employ Appropriate Silence To Validate
Idea to, focus your eyes and attention on the person talking, to reassure her that you are genuinely interested in her. As well, you can also show genuine interest by leaning towards the person, and touching her hand gently if the situation permits it. All this is done without uttering any word. In truth, to show sincere interest in your audience works for the idea of how to validate a person.
4. Ask Questions Starting With How, What, When, Where, Do, And Is, not Why
The first set of questions are easier to answer than “Why” questions. They help you to seek for more information that helps you to understand your interactant. On a different note, “why questions get the other person defensive.” Why did you come back late?” Your questions reflect your intent. The right questions allow others to process their feelings adequately.
Along with, asking the right questions stimulates others to discover the solutions to their problems. Validating questions help you to learn more about the other person or situation. Oh? How did you feel about that? What did you do? And then what did you do? What would you like to do? When do you think it could be done? What do you think the outcome will be? What do you think might work? What do you think would work next time? Are there other options? What happened? How did it happen? Where did it happen? When did it happen? What did you think when it happened? How could you stand that? How did you stand that? And then what did you say? What do you think caused the problem? What’s wrong? What went wrong? What was that like? Did you enjoy that? Did that hurt your feelings? What does that mean? What would you like me to do? Is there anything I can do to help you? Would it help if I (name something you can do)? These questions motivate your interactant to take responsibility for discovering a personal solution that will work for him or her.
5. Use Your Interactant’s Operative Words To Paraphrase Your Understanding
We use certain words that have a particular meaning in our lives. Benefit that stands with, when you use your interactants’ operative words to frame questions that seek for more information, they will feel reassured that you are truly listening and understanding what they are saying. This is not parroting what the other person says. For instance, someone may say, “I am feeling very sad.” The operative word is sad. Forth with, your question could be “what is causing the sadness?” To formulate effective questions around the operative words, use how, what, when, where, is, do, and can, not why. Of a fact, effective questions help to promote the notion of how to validate a person.
6. Listen Completely To Avoid Thinking Of Solutions While The Other Person Is Talking
Practice patience. Do not automatically jump in when the other person takes a breath or pauses to think through a thought. An attitude in the same keeping with, refocus your mind to listen completely when you observe yourself formulating any answer while your interactant is talking. Truth to, giving another person your complete attention is one of the greatest compliments to offer.
7. Kick The Invalidating Word “But”
Henry Ward Beecher said, “the meanest, most contemptible kind of praise is that which first speaks well of a man, and then qualifies it with a ‘but.’ “But” phrases hallmark negative statements. So, if you are giving a compliment, stop before the “but” statement, and do away with the rest. As it goes, positive statements labour for the idea of how to validate a person.
8. Befriend The Word “And”
Instead of using the word “but,” use “and.” To illustrate with, it is more constructive to say, “I love you, and we have a problem to resolve,” than “I love you, but we have a problem.” In plain, the word “and” carries no negative connotation.
9. Find Out What The Person Has Already Done, And What He Or She Would Like To Do
Parallel to, since your interactants problem belongs to them, and you don’t have the power to make anything all better for them, the best thing you can do is to find out what they have already done, and what they would like to do. To accomplish this, ask questions such as: “what have you tried so far?” or “what would you like to do?” or “what are your options?” Further with, listen completely without mentally formulating an alternative plan. This relaxed approach stimulates real learning between the teller and the listener. In the process of telling their story, what approaches they have tried, and what further options exists, often the best or at least a viable solution will appear. A clear insight to note with, your main function in their discovery process is to listen and ask non-threatening questions.
10. Use Validating Phrases
Validating phrases reassure your interactants that you are truly listening and understanding what they are saying. As a result, their enhanced feelings of worthiness and being respected stimulates further exploration of their feelings and desires, for best solutions. Here are some phrases that work well. Oh. I’ll bet that’s hard. That would hurt. I think I understand. Hmmm. I think I might have felt the same way. That must be frustrating. I’m so sorry that happened to you. Wow! That’s interesting. What a difficult position to be in. That’s awful! I don’t blame you one bit. That’s wonderful. That was good. I’m happy along with you. I’m happy for you. I’m sad with you. That’s painful. I’ll bet that was difficult. I feel like crying, too. What an awkward situation to be in. That was amazing. I’ll bet that was fun.That’s neat. I’ll bet you’ll miss him. I would have been embarrassed, too. That’s exciting. I never thought of that. What a good idea. What a good way to handle that situation. That just might be the best solution. Well, if that doesn’t beat all. Oh, my goodness. Oh, no! I know how much that meant to you. That’s a tough spot to be in.That’s a real bummer. That’s great! Tell me more. That’s got to be a real challenge. Use a phrase that the person you’re speaking with will relate to, to show that you are understanding what they are expressing. Validating questions and phrases harbour no answers nor your interpretation of the situation or conversation. For the most part, suspending your answers attunes you to the idea of how to validate a person.
11. Give Suggestions, Not Advice
Observation to note with, advice says, “you should” or “you ought to” or “you need to,” while suggestions give your interactants the freedom to come up with their own ideas for solving a problem, and making a decision. Consequence to ponder with, giving advice often piles pressure on your interactants, and frequently invites in guilt arising from not following the advice. So, if your interactant comes to you with the expression: “I don’t know what to do,” you could say, “can you think of just one thing you could try.” Give her some minutes to think. If ideas still elude her, you may give her a suggestion. “I wonder what would happen if you…” Then give your suggestion. Again, you can say, “I’m not sure it will work, but it might.” Suggestions put no pressure on your interactants to use your idea, and you do not make any guarantees that it will work. This attitude conditions you to continue encouraging them to come up with better ideas. Following this, you build up their self-confidence, and encourage them to take responsibility for solving their problems.
The ideas behind how to validate a person, stimulates others to explore their feelings and desires, and discover their own best solutions. In the climate of trust created, self-esteem, self-confidence, and mutual learning improves.